28 May Marriage

Jon and I are coming up on our 7th year anniversary.
Recently my husband put a post on Facebook about me that was so encouraging, but there’s a story that goes with it.

When we first met, we hit it off right away! He was literally, an answer to prayer and as was I.
I had asked the Lord specifically for two things,
First was that the man he would send me, would have to understand my past with drug addiction…
And the second was that he would have to love God with his whole heart….
God sent Jon and I fell so madly in love with him!
My boss (James Rodriguez) warned me, ‘NO Nikki!’ This guy is in a drug rehab, Christian program. 😉

PERFECT!

But very quickly in our relationship addiction got in our way and tore us apart in a way that only bad choices and the enemy can do…
Our love for one another kept us together but for the first good half of our marriage our hearts were distant, and seperated…..
I wasn’t willing to open up and communicate with him because I saw a confrontation as an ugly thing.
For years even as a child I had a difficulty communicating and opening up as to how I was really feeling inside…
Which led to bitterness, a hardened heart, deception, anger, a victim spirit, even to the extreme of hate at times.
The Bible says that when you hold on to un- forgiveness in your heart,
it opens the door to a tormenting spirit…

That spirit got ahold of me for sure!

In one of the darkest pits since freedom from addiction, I cried to the Lord for help.
I was finally ready to change but I didn’t know how.
I prayed my way through two different individual books, as the Lord lead me to forgive, the best way I knew how to.
But as you know, forgiveness is not just a one time thing and you have to work through the triggers.
The things that constantly bring back what happened, and the feelings that tell you you’re right for how you’re feeling, even when you know it’s wrong.

There is one very simple answer to restoring a marriage and this is where it all began for me…
GOD….
God, CHANGE ME, NOT my marriage!

I then began to take each thing to the Lord that he would show me (through the Holy Spirit) that was dishonouring to Him in my marriage.

God changed my whole perspective…
He showed me how two very different/ opposite people can come together as one and complement each other.
How even two people with separate dreams can support and encourage one another through the obstacles.
He softened my heart,
gave me ears to hear,
wisdom and understanding,
incredible revelation,
healed wounds that I never thought were possible of healing…

PLUS
God revealed HIMSELF in a way to me like I had never seen or known before!
I experienced His love for me,
that he really cares even about the littlest details,
His faithfulness,
There were days when I didn’t even know where to start
and burdens that were so heavy that I could barely even pray,
but He showed me that he knew,
And went before me to prepare the way.
On days where I felt so alone, I knew He was right there.
On days where I was scared to communicate, (expecting the worst) he’d show me that He was Lord over everybody’s heart and instead I experienced grace and mercy.
On days where I needed encouragement, He would send it through somebody or encourage my spirit himself.
He was my Provider.
My Strength.
My Hiding place.
My best friend.
He held my heart.
I told him everything even down to tattling, (lol)
And He kept me strong, convincing me not to make regretful choices.

God used my limited way of communicating with my husband and turned it into one of the deepest intimacies that I’ve ever experienced, with the Lord (instead).

In so many ways the Lord has even changed him…. through the change in me.

The Lord has healed wounds in our marriage that I never thought were possible!
He has taken everything that the enemy has stolen and turned it around for our good.
I am so completely grateful and thankful and I love and appreciate my husband more and more everyday.
(My gift from God)
He has opened our communication and taught us ways, new ways.
He taught me His voice through it all and gives me a different strategy and obedience to follow for each individual situation.
He took my heart of stone and turn it into a heart of flesh and the Bible says that those with a softened heart can see God.

Through learning his voice not only do I seek His wisdom and understanding in areas of my marriage but I can do the same with my children and every difficulty or circumstance in life that comes against me.

1st Peter 3:15 says,
But sanctify the Lord God in your hearts, and always be ready to Give a defense to everyone who asks you a reason for the hope that is in you, with meekness and fear;
AND THIS IS MY DEFENSE.

So if you’re waiting for a MIRACLE in your marriage or a circumstance that is pulling you under,
He wants to help and he is waiting for you to come to Him.
STOP SEARCHING FOR WHAT IS RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU.
He’s willing and able.
He goes above and beyond anything that you can imagine because he’s more than you can ever imagine he would be.
He is a rewarder of those who diligently seek him.